Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
