dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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