I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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