Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
