You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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