I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
