Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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