fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
