So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
