I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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