If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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