if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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