did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
