What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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