Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
