my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
that may or may not have been my penis.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
