I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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