Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
