We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
