A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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