My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
