i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
