I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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