found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
