8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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