We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
