Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
