If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
