Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
