Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
