I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
