Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
