At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
