I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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