all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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