I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
