I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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