so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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