this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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