First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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