Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
