I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
