Define "chronic" masturbator.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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