I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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