Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
