I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
