I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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