When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
