If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
