I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
