The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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