Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Michael Bay diarrhea
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
