Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
