Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
