Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
