Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't turn off my feet"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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