It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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