i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm both gender and math confused
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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