either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
