just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
